Frustrated Mayor Bloomberg Announces Occupation Of Your Mom’s House
New York: Following his unsuccessful attempt to clear Zucotti Park and defuse the growing Occupy movement, a disheveled Mayor Bloomberg announced today that he has commenced an occupation of your mom’s house. “I am as tired of the overprivileged spawn of your mom as you are of the capitalist war machine,” announced the mayor at a press conference today. The reportedly petulant mayor arrived this morning on the porch of your mom’s house with a sleeping bag, three cans of Pringles, a child’s plastic recorder, and sheet music of “We Shall Overcome” labeled “for beginners.” After a brief conflict in which the mayor was overpowered with some sharp words and a rolled-up newspaper, New York’s most prominent public official briefly relocated to your backyard by the azaleas. When a light rain commenced approximately twenty-seven minutes later, your mom offered the mayor a spot in your living room, imposing sanctions such as non-interruption of the television program CSI and removal of his muddy shoes before making contact with carpeted areas. As of this writing, the mayor remains, obediently shoeless, on the right side of your mom’s couch, though his ultimate goals remain unclear. However, there is reason to believe the conflict will escalate: your mom reports that the mayor has threatened to reveal the ending of this and all forthcoming CSI episodes unless you return from Wall Street soon.